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MOTION THOUGHTS Among these pages you are invited to explore the work of Art Party members. We hope you feel a little more inspired and enlightened by what you find. To submit work, join the party! Below, you'll find the most recent work added to our collection.
Saturday, January 20, 2007birdsown the bugs and worms and the treesserve as their towers: they watch over our parks while bums sleep and they keep clear of cats and children and birds own the powerlines we're too scared to climb; they perch in ropes across sunset reds and clutch our lights, our heat, our wires, vibrating against our electric hums and birds own outer space: they shoot through a stratosphere like bullets through a composition notebook; they comprise the color of your average nebula, gathering around the black hole, guarding the open gate
Comments:
this is good. i would put a comma after "children" though... unless you like it when people have to those lines a couple of times.
 posted by Cadet Alanna : 11:15 PM, January 20, 2007
the first time, i read it wrong. the second time, i read it right. and i like it a lot. a whole lot.
posted by Sara St. : 12:42 AM, January 21, 2007
it comes out sounding more like lyrics to me, or it at least needs to be spoken out loud so the rhythm is grooovy. I like it too.
posted by morgiepoo : 9:10 PM, January 21, 2007
this is beautiful. i agree with morgan that it does have many song-like qualities. when i read it, i naturally wanted to sing it instead. how appropriate for a piece about birds. i love how you link the stanzas together. the third stanza caught me off-guard.
posted by : 9:02 AM, January 26, 2007
I like what're you're doing with the conjunction "and" it speeds through and sort of links birds closer to all those other objects that it jumps off of. I don't know how it works in the first line, however, with the trees as towers since linking the trees with the bugs and the worms does nothing for the overall birdness of the poem. Now I'm rambling.
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posted by Cadet Steve : 9:59 PM, February 12, 2007<< Home
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